10 Things I Wish I Knew About Communication Before I Ever Opened My Mouth

Healthy communication is important for any relationship. If a marriage is to thrive, a husband and wife need to learn how to speak openly about their feelings and opinions, their values and vantage points. It's in this very merger of differing communication styles where relationships are built up or broken down. Here are some simple observations I've made over the years:

1. People can say the dumbest things.
Did you ever misplace something like your car keys or the remote control to the television? After a grueling search you finally find it. Then someone points out the obvious: that it’s always in the last place you look. Well, wouldn’t that be true whenever and wherever you find it? That’s what makes it the last place, because you don’t have to look for it anymore!

2. It’s easy to get yourself into trouble and harder to get out of it.
Open mouth and insert foot. We’ve all done it – probably more often than we’d care to admit. Trying to justify or talk your way out of it can even make matters worse.

3. The only person who can control what I say is me.
Not everything someone says deserves a response. We should listen more and talk less. Respond when necessary rather than react impulsively. The Bible is pretty matter-of-fact about it. “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” (Proverbs 10:19)

4. Just because someone makes a promise doesn’t mean that it will happen.
Society has gone from handshakes to iron clad written contracts. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone just kept their word? Benjamin Franklin once said, “Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” Sounds like he might have gotten burned on a promise or two in his time.

5. Men and women talk completely different languages.
Just ask any married person. Why do you think I wrote the book, Does Anyone Speak Female? God has wired us very differently. At first blush, one would think it is to completely frustrate us. But we have an opportunity to learn how to love, cherish, and understand our mate – even if at times they seem alien to us.

6. Sticks and stones may break my bones and words hurt too!
You’re lying if you say they don’t. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of insults, criticisms, and name-calling knows the damage words can cause. Our world is filled with the broken spirits of those who have endured such verbal assaults.

7. It's incredibly easy to be misunderstood.
That’s why it is so important to weigh what you say. Proverbs 15:28 tells us, “The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking.” What you say is not always what the other person hears. Learn how to identify and empathize with others to minimize this ubiquitous communication challenge.

8. I can make someone's day better.
Starting with my spouse and children, I have the ability to speak words of comfort, healing, encouragement, and motivation. I can inspire, compliment, and affirm. “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!” (Proverbs 15:23)

9. You can't please everyone no matter what you say.
Every leader, whether in church or politics, knows that you can’t satisfy all the people all the time. Someone is bound to take offense or differ in position from you.

10. You can get what you want by the words that you speak.
Proverbs 12:14 states, “People can get many good things by the words they say.” There really is life in the power of your tongue. But there is more to just what you say...it’s how and when you say it.